Family Relationship Breakdown – Have you considered Nesting this Christmas?

Arrangements to spend time with children over the Christmas period following a relationship breakdown can be a stress point for many families.   If the separation is new children may worry about family traditions and how these will be maintained, how will Santa find them if they are not at home? Wider family may worry about where they will fit in to arrangements.  The separating parents may worry about how they can share parenting if one parent is living in temporary accommodation or with friends and family.  An arrangement which benefits the children and allows for them to spend time with both parents may seem an impossible wish in the early days following separation.

One option which parents may be unaware of is Nesting, which allows the children to remain in the family home, benefiting from stability and reduced anxiety around the separation. The parents will move in and out of the family home to care for the children providing a reassuring positive example to the children of amicable separation. The non-caring parent will need to find alternate accommodation for the periods they are not at the family home, perhaps staying with family or friends.

Nesting doesn’t have to be a long term solution and in many cases the most benefit is seen when used as a stepping stone in the early days of separation, helping children understand that they remain the priority for both parents despite the changes which are happening.  Often the arrangements will move on naturally as financial matters are resolved and the parents set up separate homes which allow the children to move between them.

If you have recently separated and are worried about the impact on your children over the Christmas period Nesting may be an option worth considering.

Here are some key points to consider before making any decision:

• Is this right for us as parents?  If emotions are running high following separation this may not be right for you and could lead to feelings of inability to move on.  
• Is this right for our children?   For some children nesting may add to their confusion around the separation and its permanence.
• This arrangement needs a high level of trust between the parents.
• The parents must remain amicable and able to communicate; adding to parental conflict will not help the children.
• There needs to be somewhere for each parent to go when the other is in the family home.
• There will need to be clear ground rules: 
  • who can be at the family home and when,
  • what about guests and other family members,
  • plan for the mundane tasks, who will empty the bins, will you each bring clean bedding?  
• Consider having a written agreement in place to avoid conflict arising.

At Ware and Kay we can help you consider family time arrangements which work for you and your children through early legal advice and preparation of agreements giving your arrangements the best chance of success.

To discuss how we can help you, speak to our Family Solicitors on York 01904 716000, Wetherby 01937 583210 or Malton 01653 692247 or email law@warekay.co.uk.